2 years ago today I sat in a hospital room for the 7th day in a row.
2 years ago today I watched the team of doctors walk in for the last time.
2 years ago today I talked to my mom for the last time.
2 years ago today I watched my mom take her last breath.
2 years ago today I heard the nurses say "she has died".
2 years ago today I cried with my dad and brother as we said goodbye for the last time.
2 years ago today I walked out of Mayo Clinic knowing I would never see my mom again during this life.
2 years ago today I felt like I had been run over by a mack truck.
2 years ago today I was frustrated with God and wondering how this could be part of His plan for my life.
2 years ago today I lost my mother, my best friend, my confidant, the grandmother or "Nana" as she was called of my children. I lost the women who I most aspired to be like the one who made the biggest impact in my life. I lost the mother who loved me no matter what I did or didn't do, the one who was always there whenever she was needed, the one who did everything in her power to show me and tell me how much I meant to her and how much she loved me.
I left the hospital 2 years ago wondering how I would get through the next day, week or year without her. How would I tell my children that Nana would never hug or kiss them again, how would I keep her memory alive in their minds and how would I make sure my unborn child knew her? To tell you the truth I am not sure how I got through those next days and weeks, but I did and now here I sit 2 years later. Is it easier? A little. It is true what people say time does heal the pain you feel. Do I still miss her? Everyday. There is not a day that goes by that she does not pop into my mind at some point. It is hard at times to put into words how much I miss her. Have I kept her memories alive for my children? I am trying the best I can through pictures and stories about what she did with them. It is funny my youngest daughter Rachel is my mom through and through. My grandma says that she looks like my mom as a child and there are times when I look in her eyes and I see my mom. Do I understand why part of God's plan was to take my mother away from me so soon? Absolutely not! I trust Him and have faith that His ways are best, but I sure don't understand it.
The one thing I do know is that I have to keep moving forward. I know that is what my mom would want. I have my own family to take care and she would expect and want me to keep moving forward knowing that someday we will see each other again and when we do it will be for eternity. So until then mom I can only hope to be as good a mom as you were to me and to take care of my family the way you took care of yours. I know that would make you proud.
