Happy 37th Birthday Daryl

Happy Birthday babe! I am so lucky to be the girl who you celebrate your Birthday with.
I had a great time this weekend!
I love you with all my heart!

Marriage

If you remember one of my recent posts was all about divorce, I thought it only fitting to follow it up with a post about marriage. We recently did a parenting series at our church, Granger Community Church, and one of the messages touched on some of the points I am going to talk about. Now I understand that I have only been married for 8 years and there are many people out there who have been married much longer than I, so I know I still have lots to learn, but this is what I have found to be important so far.

1. Daryl and I understand that Jesus has to be at the center of all we do. The most important relationship I have is my relationship with Christ. The same is true of Daryl. Mark Beeson, our senior pastor, during one of his messages a long time ago drew a picture of a triangle with Jesus at the top point and Daryl and I at the bottom points of the triangle. He then went on to explain that as we each move up our line closer to Jesus we also move closer together as a couple.
2. Daryl and I understand that the next most important thing after our relationship with Jesus is our relationship with each other. So what this means is that our children come after that. Yes, I did just say that my children at not the center of our universe. I know there are many people out there who don't agree with this, they think because I say this it means that I don't love my children. No, I never said that I don't love my children, but my relationship with their father was around before they existed and when they move out and leave home (as they should) he will still be here. The best thing we can do for our children is to love each other well and to always put each other above them. I want to show them what a marriage should look like.
3. Have a group of other married couples around you who will hold you accountable about your marriage and who have marriages that you want to emulate. We have a very close group of friends and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is open for discussion. We make it a priority to spend time with those friends and to pour into each other. It is understood in our group by all of us that divorce is not an option for any of us so we check in on each other often. We have the hard discussions with each other and we are open and honest with each other.
4. Date your spouse on a regular consistent basis and make it a priority. Daryl and I have date night at least 2 times a month. We trade kids with the Callenders, so they have date night every other week and we are the opposite weeks. Those date nights are important to us, we look forward to them and if for some strange reason we miss one we try and make it up. Besides a regular date night I think you need to make it a priority to get away over night with each other too. Daryl and I had an opportunity this summer to get away for 5 days together without kids. It was great! We had time to just be Tammy and Daryl and not mom and dad. I have decided that we need to try and do this every year.
5. Make it a priority to communicate with each other without distraction. You may read this one and think I communicate with my spouse everyday, no big deal. Daryl and I have found that we communicate on a much different level with each other if we turn off the TV and computers, put the kids in bed and just sit down, look at each other and talk. We do not do this enough, this is something that we need to do better at. I am one of those people who needs to feel like I know things about my spouse that no one else knows. It helps me to feel connected!
6. Work towards a goal together. This is something I have just figured out brings Daryl and I closer. When I think back about the times when I felt closest to Daryl it was during times when we were working towards some sort of goal. When we were pregnant with each of our children, when we were looking for and purchasing a new home, when one of us were changing jobs, when we were making a big purchase, when we were reading a book together, when we were working through a challenging problem together, these and many other things helped me feel closer to my husband. We were working towards a common goal!
7. Have sex on a regular basis. Yep you read that right. Sex is a huge part of any marriage. Not only do the men need it, but admit it women so do we. God created sex and there was a reason for it. It is way too easy to be too tired or too worn out or to just not have the desire. As much as we all hate to admit it sometimes those are just excuses. We have found that as long as we are having sex on a regular basis it helps us stay on track in all the other areas.
8. Don't become complacent. It is very easy to think, we know divorce is not an option so we don't have to worry about it. But as soon as that happens then you find yourself in a place where things are not good. You find yourself in a place that you never thought you would be. I got a phone call from a friend about 3 and half years ago that changed me. I cried tears I never thought I would cry, I had conversations I didn't plan to have and I prayed like I had never prayed before. Their story had a happy ending, but it taught me to never become complacent. I need to make all of the above things a priority so that my marriage stays on track.

Like I said at the beginning, I am not an expert on any of this. These are just things that I have found work for Daryl and I. What else would you add to the list?

The "D" Word

I had a conversation with Allison this morning that I cannot stop thinking about. As she was getting ready for school this morning she tells me that one of her friends in her class told her that her parents are getting divorced. As soon as I heard the word, I had all sorts of feelings come to the surface. My first feeling was sadness. I was sad that Allison, in 1st grade, knows what that word means.

She went on to explain to me that Carolyn's dad is still living in the house, but he is going to be moving out without any kids. She said that all the kids will be living with the mom. She said that Carolyn's mom and dad were fighting alot so they decided to break-up. As Allison told me the story I could tell she was wondering what that meant for her and her family. So, after Allison finished with the story, I told her I was sad for Carolyn that her mom and dad would not be together but that it would never happen to her. She asked me why and to keep it simple I told her that Jesus says that when you marry someone you stayed married for life and that her dad and I were going to obey Jesus, so because of this she never has to worry about her mom and dad not living together.

So there may be some of you out there who might say, "sure you say now that you will never get divorced, but you never know that the future holds". You are right I do not know what the future holds, but Daryl and I have decided in advance that divorce is never an option for us. Not only have we decided that divorce is not an option we have also decided that we will not live our lives hating each other or living separate lives even though we live in the same household. This was a conversation we had before we got married and it is something we have never wavered on. We both dealt with things growing up that we wanted to make sure that those things didn't define our future.

I am not naive, I know there will be things that will happen to us that will test us in this area, I know we will go through periods where things are not fun, but none of that matters. We have committed our lives to each other forever, not just because we stood in front of our family and friends and said so, but because we believe this is God's will for our lives. We also made this commitment for our kids. I know firsthand what divorce can do to children and I made a commitment to myself a long time ago that my children would never go through that, no matter what the cost.

Awkward

Daryl and I have decided from this point till about high school Allison will just look awkward. She has now lost 3 teeth, one of her top ones fell out yesterday and she just does not look the same. Funny how that can happen in a matter of minutes.

What was once a little girl with little teeth is now a little girl with holes in her mouth. She will then become a little girl with big teeth. As she grows into her big teeth then her body starts to change and all sorts of fun things start to happen. So like I said for the next 7-8 years she will just look awkward, but we will love her just the same.

Pure Utter Joy

Last Saturday Allison and I had a great day together. After much anticipation and waiting Allison was able to get her first American Girl doll. She has spent the last few months drooling over the catalogs and picking out just the right doll. Why you might ask did we wait so long to get her one? First off, I had decided that if we were going to spend that kind of money on a doll that they needed to be old enough to take care of it and understand that we don't write all over it or drag it through the dirt. So we decided that 7 would be the magical age.

We took off early in the morning with Becky, Abby, Becky's mom, Adam and Jacob for Chi-town. Jacob and Adam were headed to the Museum of Science and Industry for a boy day so we dropped them off and then headed downtown. It was so much fun to watch their faces as we walked up to the American Girl doll store. They just stood in front of it for a minute and let out squeals. We walked inside to find that 5,000 other people had decided to go to the store that day also. Okay so that might be a slight exaggeration, but there were seriously wall to wall people. We made our way into the "just like me" doll section, the girls had decided that was the kind of doll they wanted. They picked out the dolls that looked like themselves and then decided that they wanted to be able to hold their dolls like every other little girl in the store. So after paying for the dolls and taking them out of their boxes the girls made their way around the store to spend the money they had. Allison had Birthday money to spend. She was able to get 3 outfits for her doll, pajamas, jeans, shirt and shoes and a whole soccer outfit, complete with shin guards, a backpack and a doll size soccer ball.

After they made their purchases it was off to lunch in the Cafe right there in the store. I have to admit it was pretty cool. They had specials seats for the dolls so that they could sit right at the table with us. They started us off with mini cinnamon rolls, then it was fruit kabob's along with vegetables and pretzel bread. Our main dish then came which was followed up by a mini b-day cake (we were celebrating Abby and Allison's Birthdays) with a candle, chocolate mousse and a cookie, can you say sugar overload! After lunch we headed out of the store and walked downtown for a bit and then headed home.

I had a great time with Allison, it was fun to spend the day with her. I cannot wait till I get to do it all again with Rachel!

Ouch!

Daryl and I have decided we need to buy stock in the ER right now.

As most of you know, Tyler is all boy and is constantly messing around and hurting himself. Last Sunday we had our first of I am sure many trips to MedPoint with Tyler. Daryl and I are sitting in the kitchen eating our breakfast when we hear a big thud. Tyler comes over crying and holding his head, I pulled his hand off of his head and there was huge gash. We still have not quite figured out exactly what he hit is head on. He tells us it was the floor, but we are thinking he hit something else on the way down-ya think!

So it was off to MedPoint and about an hour and a half later Ty had 3 stitches in his head. It took me and 2 other nurses to hold him down, I think that was the worst part for him. As soon as we told him he could sit up he immediately stopped crying.

It was not only Tyler's first, of many I am sure, set of stitches but it was also the first set I have seen put in. Guess there is a first time for everything.

Halloween 2007

It's that time of the year again. The costumes, the daily questioning if it's time to go, the candy, the friends, the jack-o-lanterns and of course the cold weather. At least this year the rain held to a simple drizzle every now and then.

Like last year, the boys sat in the driveway to hand out candy and the girls went through the neighborhood with the kids. This year we had Hannah Montana (Allison), Belle (Rachel), A Lion (Tyler), a Monkey (Carter), a Ladybug (Morgan), a Cowgirl (Abby) and a Jedi (Jacob).

Good times. Good times.

Now to figure out ways of hiding and getting rid of the excess candy...