- Daryl and I understand that Jesus has to be at the center of all we do. The most important relationship I have is my relationship with Christ. The same is true of Daryl. Mark Beeson, our senior pastor, during one of his messages a long time ago drew a picture of a triangle with Jesus at the top point and Daryl and I at the bottom points of the triangle. He then went on to explain that as we each move up our line closer to Jesus we also move closer together as a couple.
- Daryl and I understand that the next most important thing after our relationship with Jesus is our relationship with each other. So what this means is that our children come after that. Yes, I did just say that my children at not the center of our universe. I know there are many people out there who don't agree with this, they think because I say this it means that I don't love my children. No, I never said that I don't love my children, but my relationship with their father was around before they existed and when they move out and leave home (as they should) he will still be here. The best thing we can do for our children is to love each other well and to always put each other above them. I want to show them what a marriage should look like.
- Have a group of other married couples around you who will hold you accountable about your marriage and who have marriages that you want to emulate. We have a very close group of friends and everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is open for discussion. We make it a priority to spend time with those friends and to pour into each other. It is understood in our group by all of us that divorce is not an option for any of us so we check in on each other often. We have the hard discussions with each other and we are open and honest with each other.
- Date your spouse on a regular consistent basis and make it a priority. Daryl and I have date night at least 2 times a month. We trade kids with the Callenders, so they have date night every other week and we are the opposite weeks. Those date nights are important to us, we look forward to them and if for some strange reason we miss one we try and make it up. Besides a regular date night I think you need to make it a priority to get away over night with each other too. Daryl and I had an opportunity this summer to get away for 5 days together without kids. It was great! We had time to just be Tammy and Daryl and not mom and dad. I have decided that we need to try and do this every year.
- Make it a priority to communicate with each other without distraction. You may read this one and think I communicate with my spouse everyday, no big deal. Daryl and I have found that we communicate on a much different level with each other if we turn off the TV and computers, put the kids in bed and just sit down, look at each other and talk. We do not do this enough, this is something that we need to do better at. I am one of those people who needs to feel like I know things about my spouse that no one else knows. It helps me to feel connected!
- Work towards a goal together. This is something I have just figured out brings Daryl and I closer. When I think back about the times when I felt closest to Daryl it was during times when we were working towards some sort of goal. When we were pregnant with each of our children, when we were looking for and purchasing a new home, when one of us were changing jobs, when we were making a big purchase, when we were reading a book together, when we were working through a challenging problem together, these and many other things helped me feel closer to my husband. We were working towards a common goal!
- Have sex on a regular basis. Yep you read that right. Sex is a huge part of any marriage. Not only do the men need it, but admit it women so do we. God created sex and there was a reason for it. It is way too easy to be too tired or too worn out or to just not have the desire. As much as we all hate to admit it sometimes those are just excuses. We have found that as long as we are having sex on a regular basis it helps us stay on track in all the other areas.
- Don't become complacent. It is very easy to think, we know divorce is not an option so we don't have to worry about it. But as soon as that happens then you find yourself in a place where things are not good. You find yourself in a place that you never thought you would be. I got a phone call from a friend about 3 and half years ago that changed me. I cried tears I never thought I would cry, I had conversations I didn't plan to have and I prayed like I had never prayed before. Their story had a happy ending, but it taught me to never become complacent. I need to make all of the above things a priority so that my marriage stays on track.
Like I said at the beginning, I am not an expert on any of this. These are just things that I have found work for Daryl and I. What else would you add to the list?
