The Negotiation

I don't know about you, but when I read the title of this post I think it sounds like the title of a movie. A movie where Mel Gibson is negotiating some sort of deal with the "bad guys", a movie where it all is great in the beginning, it gets tense in the middle and in the end everyone ends up happy. I am one of those people that loves movies with "happy endings" and I think the reason for that is I want life to go smoothly and happily. I want everyone (especially those I love) to get along and love each other well and make good decisions, but I know that is not living in reality. I know when push comes to shove that alot of times we lie and deceive and make bad choices. Instead of doing what we know is right, we do what we think will keep us out of trouble. Learning to do the "right thing" is something that happens over time and at times is taught to us. Now that I am a parent I have the privilege of navigating those "teaching moments" so that my kids grow up to know right from wrong and so that they understand just how much God loves them.

Last Friday was a normal Friday morning. I got up with the kids to get them ready for school and as I was making breakfast I noticed that child Z (named has been changed to protect the innocent) was playing with a stuffed animal I had never seen before. When I questioned child Z about it said child responded that they had gotten it with one of their Christmas gifts. I knew that this was not the case, so I tried again. "Where did you get that stuffed animal?" Child Z then said that a friend had given it said child. That would have been all fine and dandy except that Child X spoke up and explained that this friend had never seen it either. So at this point I know for a fact that Child Z is lying to me, so I do the whole motherly thing where my voice and facial expressions change (as to show that I now mean business) and I continue to question said child. "Really where did you get it?".....Child Z says nothing...."Where did you get it?"....again nothing and said child is just staring at me..."This is your last chance, where did you get it?"....the stare continues. I would love to tell you that I remained calm and collected, but that is not the case. Every time I asked the question I got more and more frustrated, my voice got a little higher and I got a little more serious. Child Z continued to look at me until I finally told said child that if they didn't start talking I would no longer be volunteering in this child's room at school. At that point the tears started flowing and Child Z fessed up, "I took it from my room at church". I questioned Child Z a few times about why said child would do such a thing and then told said child that there would be 2 consequences. One for stealing and the other one for lying. I was very disappointed that said child had chosen to steal, but I have to be honest I was ticked that said child lied about it. I can't tell you how many conversations have been had in this house about how we never lie, no matter how hard it is to tell the truth.

Fast forward about 9 hours, time delay due to Child Z being in school and conversations about what the consequences should be between Daryl and I. Child Z is then told that the consequence for stealing is that a letter of apology will be written to the person who the stuffed animal belongs to along with finding the owner and returning it, Child Z will also need to tell the teachers in the room at church what said child did and face whatever consequences where given to said child by them. I then told Child Z that the consequence for lying was that said child would not be participating in family night (which means this child lost out on having dessert and watching a movie with the rest of us). At that point the tears started to flow and before I knew it the sobs came. I finished talking with Child Z and then left said child alone to calm down and I went back to my normal routine. About 30 minutes after that I walk into the kitchen to find what you see in the picture above sitting on my counter. Child Z was trying to negotiate with me, said child was trying to give me all the money I wanted so that said child could be a part of family night. The funny part about this is that it didn't really surprise me, Child Z tends to do things like this. Child Z is what we call our negotiator, I swear someday said child could have a career in this. As cute and innovative as I thought this way I stood my ground and told the Negotiator I didn't want the money and the consequence still stood.

Now I would love to tell you that I didn't want to give in to Child Z's negotiation, that it didn't kill me to listen to said child sob upstairs while the rest of us watched a movie. Even Child Z's siblings begged me to let said child come downstairs, it just wasn't the same without this child. I stood my ground though, it was important that Child Z learned that lying will not be tolerated in this house and that you should always tell the truth no matter how hard it is. It was one of those teaching moments where it was imperative that Child Z understood that there are consequences to our actions, but that no matter what said child's actions are that my love for said child will never change. I tell my children all the time that they can't do anything to change my love for them. I truly believe that I never really "knew" God till I had children. God may not agree with the decisions we make and at times there are consequences to face but it doesn't change His love for us and for that I am grateful!

Goodbye 2009. Welcome 2010!

I know this is a little late, but hey what is a girl to do. I hope you all had a great 2009 and that 2010 is off to a great start for you.
Thought I would give you a year in review for your family, since I am not great at keeping up on this here blog :)

TAMMY- Three kids, a job and a half, a house, a husband and that should pretty much tell you what my year was like....busy! It was a crazy busy year trying to keep up with all of those things, but to tell you the truth I wouldn't have it any other way. I am not a "stay at home" kind of person, I love to be out experiencing life. I am still employed with AWS as a Therapy Coordinator. I am so grateful to have this job and the flexibility that it gives me. I love the people that I work for and with. I still travel to Indy once a month for work and in December of 2009 I traveled to Fort Wayne to attend a Management Training for 2 days. I am pretty sure this is the first time I have stayed in a hotel room by myself since I have been married. It was a little strange at first, but I got used to it :) In May I traveled to Florida with 2 of my best friends for a little R&R. We literally spent 3 days laying at the beach all day. It was SO relaxing and fun that we are looking to do it again this year. 2009 was also the year that I started volunteering with Son City kids and it has been fantastic! I continue to be a lia sophia advisor and love it. I truly enjoy meeting new people and having access to all that jewelry! The best part of my year was celebrating my 10th Anniversary with Daryl in Chicago and watching my kids grow and mature. I love being a wife and mom most of all!

ALLISON- Finishing off 2nd grade and starting 3rd grade is what Allison spent most of her time doing last year. In the Spring of 2009 Allison played MSA Soccer and loved it. She then moved on with that same team and is now playing what you might call travel soccer with Michiana Echo. She has great coaches and a great team. It was fun watching her soccer skills develop this year. Allison also learned how to water ski this summer at Papa's lake. It took a few different tries, but she finally popped right out of that water and was she ever excited!!! She also went to summer camp for the first time with her BFF, Abby. They went to Springhill and then our family went camping, for the first time, with the Callender family. The highlights of 2009 for Allison would be: swimming, playing with friends, reading, ice skating, volunteering for Son City Kids, Miley Cyrus concert, student council representative, learning piano and getting a DSi. I saw so much growth in Allison last year, in more ways then one, and it is exciting and frightful all at the same time.

TYLER- I think he spent 2009 growing and eating. I swear that is all that boy does. I am pretty sure he asks to eat about 20 times a day :) In the Spring Ty played on his first soccer team. It was an interesting start to say the least but by the end of the season he was scoring goals and getting aggressive. Ty went on his first camping trip this summer and had a blast with his friends. He continues to love school and is in Pre-K right now and cannot wait to go to Kindergarten in 2010. Ty's biggest accomplishment this year would be learning to ride a 2 wheel bike, he was so proud of himself! The highlights for Ty for 2009 would be: learning to swim on his own, doing front flips off the diving board, playing on the wii, xbox and computer, playing with his buddies Jake and Carter, learning to ice skate and roller skate and learning to write his first and last name. Our little boy has done so much growing, physically and socially in the last year, but he continues to be full of hugs and kisses all the time.

RACHEL- 2009 for Rach, was a year of getting more and more independent. She makes friends like no one I have ever seen before. I will turn around and she will be talking to someone she has never met before. She has lots of friends at school and is what I call my social butterfly. Rach played soccer in the spring and fall this year. She is still more interested in talking and making friends with the girls on her team than she is in scoring goals, but she still had fun. Rach went to Springhill day camp in the summer and had a blast, she wants to go to the overnight camp this year. Highlights for Rach for 2009 would be: getting to ride her bike around the neighborhood with her sister, playing with friends, her roller skating b-day party, swimming, finishing 1st grade and entering 2nd grade, getting a solo in the school play, learning piano, trying to water ski, tubing and having fun at Papa's lake and getting her first American girl doll! Rachel has matured so much in the last year and even though she is super independent she loves nothing
more than cuddling on the couch and that is something I will be holding on to for as long as I can!

DARYL- Work, freelance jobs, Scuba, painting, 3 kids and a wife are words that sum up 2009 for Daryl. He continues to be employed at GCC as Web Director and couldn't ask for a better job. The great thing about it is he not only loves what he does and who he gets to work with but he is also doing what he is passionate about. One of the things Daryl loves to do is design web sites. He worked on about 5-6 freelance web jobs this year where he got to do what he loves. Daryl's 2nd love, after Tammy of course, is Scuba diving. Daryl and his friends went on a trip in May where they traveled to Key Largo, FL and dove for 3-4 days. Things were a little bumpy (literally boat rocking all over the place) at the beginning but he had a great time and is ready for another trip out of the country to dive (hence the freelance jobs :)). A good portion of one of Daryl's weeks of vacation was spent painting Allison's room. He did a great job as always and she loves it! Daryl also had the opportunity in 2009 to get to pick Ty up from school one day a week and spend the rest of the day with him and get the girls off the bus. I am so glad our kids have had the opportunity to spend time like that with their dad! It will mark them, of that I am sure!

OUR FAMILY- We had the chance this year to take a couple of family trips. Over Spring Break we spent a few days in Chicago at a indoor water park with friends. We then did something we had never done before as a family and went camping this summer. It was quite the experience. It rained the whole time and was cold, but we got to spend the whole week with each other and with our best friends. Then in August we took a trip to Indy with friends and went to the zoo and an indoor water park. The trips we took as a family were fun, but I think the thing our entire family looks forward to the most is Saturday nights. We spend almost every Saturday night at Granger Community Church, www.gccwired.com, worshipping with our best friends and then we all hang out together till all hours of the night (or early morning). We absolutely love doing life with these guys and feel so lucky to have a group of friends who make us better Christ followers, who are for our marriage no matter how hard it gets and who loves our kids almost as much as we do.

2009 was a great year, full of fun and memories and we can't wait to see what 2010 has in store for each of us and for you!

Here's to a great 2010, where we love each other well!