2 Years Ago Today

2 years ago today I sat in a hospital room for the 7th day in a row.
2 years ago today I watched the team of doctors walk in for the last time.
2 years ago today I talked to my mom for the last time.
2 years ago today I watched my mom take her last breath.
2 years ago today I heard the nurses say "she has died".
2 years ago today I cried with my dad and brother as we said goodbye for the last time.
2 years ago today I walked out of Mayo Clinic knowing I would never see my mom again during this life.
2 years ago today I felt like I had been run over by a mack truck.
2 years ago today I was frustrated with God and wondering how this could be part of His plan for my life.
2 years ago today I lost my mother, my best friend, my confidant, the grandmother or "Nana" as she was called of my children. I lost the women who I most aspired to be like the one who made the biggest impact in my life. I lost the mother who loved me no matter what I did or didn't do, the one who was always there whenever she was needed, the one who did everything in her power to show me and tell me how much I meant to her and how much she loved me.

I left the hospital 2 years ago wondering how I would get through the next day, week or year without her. How would I tell my children that Nana would never hug or kiss them again, how would I keep her memory alive in their minds and how would I make sure my unborn child knew her? To tell you the truth I am not sure how I got through those next days and weeks, but I did and now here I sit 2 years later. Is it easier? A little. It is true what people say time does heal the pain you feel. Do I still miss her? Everyday. There is not a day that goes by that she does not pop into my mind at some point. It is hard at times to put into words how much I miss her. Have I kept her memories alive for my children? I am trying the best I can through pictures and stories about what she did with them. It is funny my youngest daughter Rachel is my mom through and through. My grandma says that she looks like my mom as a child and there are times when I look in her eyes and I see my mom. Do I understand why part of God's plan was to take my mother away from me so soon? Absolutely not! I trust Him and have faith that His ways are best, but I sure don't understand it.
The one thing I do know is that I have to keep moving forward. I know that is what my mom would want. I have my own family to take care and she would expect and want me to keep moving forward knowing that someday we will see each other again and when we do it will be for eternity. So until then mom I can only hope to be as good a mom as you were to me and to take care of my family the way you took care of yours. I know that would make you proud.

Family Day

I love Saturdays. Why you may ask, because that is normally the day that we eat a pancake breakfast, spend the day as a family, go to church and hang out with our best friends. It seems like it has been awhile since we have spent a Saturday together as a family so it was much needed today.

After everyone was done eating pancakes this morning, oh yeah one other reason I love Saturdays is because my awesome husband lets me sleep in, we headed out to the park to play. One nice thing about our old house was we could walk to the park, but not anymore. We didn't have a whole lot of time today so we decided to go to Mary Frank and play on their playground. Allison and I peeked in the Kindergarten room, since that is where she will be going next year and then it was off to play.

The kids had a ton of fun and we made our way around the whole school and hit every play ground. Tyler really got into the slides.
I think this is the first time he has really been able to have fun at the park since last fall he was barely walking. He went down every slide there was to go down and ran and ran and ran. His cheeks were all red by the time we headed to the car.

The girls had great fun too, Allison tried her strength on the rings and did a great job. Rachel had a good time climbing on anything she could.





We had a great time, it was great to be together as a family!

How Lucky Am I?

Just another chance to brag on my wife:

• T: Tolerant - Mostly of my imperfections (yes I have them) but also able to tolerate it when people behave badly (especially the kids). Her patience amazes me.
• A: Active - Loves to be doing stuff, hanging out with friends and being out of the house. For those of you that know me well, this is a good thing. If it were up to me, we would probably never leave the house...
• M: Mature - Not mature as in "old" but mature in her ability to remain calm, think things through, make good decisions and confront me when I am not acting very "mature."
• M: Maternal - I think there are some women that should never have children. Some don't have the desire, others don't have the ability and still others think they have the ability but are sadly mistaken. Tammy on the other hand was born to be a mom. She does such a good job raising our children. It scares me to think how things would have turned out if she lacked this ability...
• E: Entertaining - If you don't have humor, you're in for a long and boring drive... (not sure if that's a direct quote so I'll just take the credit for it.) Tammy smiles a lot, laughs a lot and is always on the lookout for fun things to do. Without her, we'd watch way too much television...
• L: Loving - Aside from being loved by God, there is nothing better than being loved by another person - in this case your spouse. Tammy goes out of her way to make me feel loved.
• A: Advancing the Kingdom - Another thing I am thankful for is that Tammy loves God. She loves the church, she works with the high school ministry at the church and she loves to talk to the kids about Jesus. There is no doubt in my mind where her heart is and that is a very comforting thing.

Love you Tam!

My Little Daredevil

Call Me Bob Villa

So we've been in the new house for a week or two now, but today was the first day that I really felt at home.

Why?

Because it was my first attempt at lawncare and outdoor maintenance at the new place. Here's what I accomplished today:

1. Bought a 26 foot ladder
2. Cleaned out gutters (some 10 feet off the ground and some 22 feet off the ground...)
3. Washed out gutters full of mud and sand mixture
4. Attempted to clean out a gutter with a bird nest at one end (complete with mother dove and two or three babies underneath her)
5. Unplugged 3 downspouts
6. Attached gutter elbows (must have been removed by previous owner)
7. Raked lawn (with help from Tammy)
8. Mowed the lawn for the first time
9. Swept all the lawn clippings off the driveway (we live in Granger now...)
10. Attempted to fit a 26 foot ladder in an already full garage
11. Had a nice long shower...

I Stand Corrected

The other day Allison brought a cup home full of dirt, with a piece of plastic wrap over the top and a rubber band holding it tightly in place - she said it was a plant they had made in school.

Tammy and I took off the plastic wrap and set it on the counter, but Allison quickly protested, "No, you have to leave the thingy on the top."

Now Tammy and I (having years of experience in gardening) assessed the situation and determined that since the dirt was almost touching the plastic wrap, there was no possible way it was meant to remain on the cup once it made the dangerous car ride home.

So much for deductive reasoning...

This morning Tammy called me to tell me that the plastic wrap was supposed to stay on - some sort of project to teach the greenhouse effect and that the condensation building up inside would help the plants to grow (I guess it didn't really matter that there was no room for a plant to grow - it was more about the lesson learned and the fact that it would probably be in a landfill before long...)

Sadly I thought back to Allison's simple protest and the look of uncertainty in her eyes. Now I feel bad and I have a lot of explaining and apologizing to do when I get home tonight.

Since it never works out that I'm right and God's wrong, the only spiritual lesson I was able to learn from this little situation was related to the way we feel when we try to share our faith. It's that feeling you get when the Truth you love and cherish is not loved and cherished by the other person. Or when they "intellectualize" it and deduce that faith is simply (scientifically) not possible or necessary. I think I feel just like Allison in those situations - sad that they do not understand the truth that is right in front of their eyes.

Oh that the smart people would give it up to find the Truth!